There will be times in your life when you question yours and everyone else’s sanity.
Vikid had decided to go camping in The Peninsula of Musandum. It wasn’t a crazy distance from home, just a 5.5 hr drive to a beach nestled between mountain peaks. The place was called Secret Beach.
In 25 years he had never made it there. It was like a force field. The first time he tried, he hadn’t brought his passport along with him. The Immigration Officer wasn’t happy obviously and at midnight he and his whole troop had to turn around and go home in shame. Clever, very clever.
On the second attempt, an entry stamp was missing in his passport, the Immigration Officer forced him to go back to the port of entry, a day trip away. Needless to say, the beach kept its secret as the trip had to be cancelled.
Then there were other times plans were made but for some reason or the other, an emergency at work, a sick relative or some other obnoxious reason, the trip would be cancelled.
Today it was another attempt. Things were looking sketchy already. On the way to the border Vikid realized he didn’t have the obligatory car insurance. He knew he needed it but for some reason he had forgotten it.
The Infamous Force Field?
A few frantic calls later, by grace, it arrived in the email, in Arabic. Though a fine linguist he couldn’t read a word of it. Did it have the right coverage? He wouldn’t know until the immigration officer read it. Great plan!
Hours later he arrived at the first border. The peculiar thing here is there were 2 borders separated by less than a kilometer. One to exit the home nation and the other to enter the host one.
10 minutes later, they were through the first border! Big smile on his face! He had never made it this far, into the no man’s land between the two borders.
All was fine, there wasn’t such a rush. Perhaps 25 cars in the parking lot. A breeze for the officials.
He met a military man camouflaged in blue, who asked him to stop and head into an immigration building. He would need to get an “entry permit”.
He opened the door… Alas, inside the queue was horrendous!
Jesus Christ… forgive our blasphemous speech. Where did all these people come from? There was only one entry and one exist, it wasn’t a river basin with multiple tributaries, joining to form some great river. Surely the laws of conservation still governed the border customs. Really, where had all the people come from?
There were Time Thieves on the prowl he suspected, screwing all passers. Instead of enjoying the beach, they were all standing in queues for over 2 hrs. How could one border take 10mins and the other take what amounted to a century!
Now Vikid had a special pair of glasses. Magic filters for catching arses. Standard issue for a Hero of Truth. It was time to put them on.
The first a-hole he spotted was man he later named The Queue Jumper of Musandum. He came in unassuming, looked innocently up at the ceiling, then slowly edged himself to the front of the line. Once he got close to his target, he skillfully made great friends with some of the clueless queuers. Lots of chat and laughter later, he naturally slipped in into his new position at the top of the queue. What a sly little fucker. The Queue Jumper made it through, big grin and shiny teeth.
The second two a-holes we’re from the Subcontinent. They reached the front of the queue with about 25 passports in hand between them.
WTF.
2 = 25?
Those two fuckers were over two dozen in number. The immigration officer took his time. Lots of questions, hand gestures and haggling later, the Subcontinenters were done. They probably took an hour between them.
The next lot of thieves were a mixed bunch and they were special. They decided to fill out their paper work only after reaching the immigration desk. For the hours in wait, no, they didn’t have time to do it then. The officer, credit to him, was very obliging. Such big smiles he had, so inviting, the pride of any nation. He allowed them all to fill out their forms and kept us all waiting. Stellar!
Now Vikid has a confession to make. There were four immigration officers are 4 queues, though by the looks of it you would never guess. The queue looked like the contents of a sheeps pen.
The confession was that the other queues were moving faster. Not by much, but appreciably so. It’s just that Vikid was having too much fun of his own, telling jokes and laughing with other sorry bastards. He had made a holiday out of it and was keenly observing human behavior. So he never changed queues that could have saved him at least half an hour.
So who were these Time Thieves?
There were actually two distinct groups.
The arseholes we have discussed including many more not worth mentioning.
The second group was the system and it’s officers.
On the first border we had modern folk. They implemented the latest systems and best practices. They called consultants from abroad and actually listened to them. That border took 10 mins.
The second border had some very proud people. They were good people but took pride in doing things their “own way”.
In decades, Vikid hadn’t see them change. Most of their work was done in multiple unnecessary stages, some by paper, some by carbon copy receipts and others by computer, probably from the 90’s. Tea breaks were obligatory very half hour. That how things had alway been done. While they were drinking tea, half the queue was holding in their pee.
And so it went until Vikid reached the head of the queue. The immigration officer took his papers, it was the moment of truth…
One question later, he was through!
Ah… the sweet smell of victory, 25 years in the making.
The trip was everything he had hoped for. He was in God’s Country. Clean air, pure blue waters, dolphins, mountains and beaches.








He camped for 2 nights with friends. He noticed there were very few tourists. One evening, they had the entire mountain valley to themselves. A forest of trees for firewood, music for entertainment and barbecue for the belly.
It then occurred to him that The Time Thieves had been a blessing. Due to their inefficient ways and the perceived difficulty of passing the border, the riffraff tourists had excluded themselves.
Vikid and his friends had the entire night sky, the mountains and forest to enjoy. A prefect holiday in God’s Country.
And that’s