The Artificial Brain Unit

The Story of ABU and the Shit Storm

It had been many years now since that ill fated day. Some thought it was the aliens but Vikid knew better. Somewhere late in 2023, the worlds leaders got together and in their wisdom they implement the World Identity and Safety Protection System (WISPS).

It was to have multiple benefits.

For one, if there was ever another plandemic, all vaccinations could be linked to it. Allowing protected persons to travel safely.

Secondly, international criminals could be Tracked and Traced on all corners of the globe.

Third, it allowed for efficient tax collection.

Forth, it allowed for Carbon Trading, to ensure the Earth didn’t over heat. Every action had to balanced by an equal carbon sequestering motion.

And so the list went on. 3000 pages or more of benefits. 20,000 in regulations and 100,000 for exceptions and amendments.

In the end WISPS did nothing it purported to do. For a start every dignitary, extended family and dog were excepted from inconvenient rules.

Then we had the hackers. The underground market was spectacular. Anything that could be had, was. Everything had been automated and thus every indiscretion permitted if you knew the right people and could pay for it.

But that wasn’t the real problem.

It all started with a mutation, a chimeric creation between the Marburg and Corona Virus. The bastard creation, named Morona Virus (MV) had been leaked out of a research lab in Australia. No one knows why but an independent lab out of Snowdonia found the vaccine in less than 3 hours.

Within 5 hrs, by edict of the Grand Council, every citizen on Earth was required to take it.

There were some half hearted protests but the fact that your car wouldn’t turn on, nor your home electrics, until every person in the house took it, meant that the disturbance was over quickly.

At first, the Vaccination program was hailed a success. 8 billion people were protected in less than 2 days.

The virus never had a chance. Nobel prizes were given, accolades were distributed and several billionaires were created, literally over night.

The curve was flattened before there was one, there were no lockdowns and no social distancing was implemented. The WISPS program was a resounding triumph and Grand Lord Schwab (GLS) was looked upon as its great father.

It was about 28 days later though, that people began to notice that all about wasn’t normal. It started with some ticks and involuntary movements. First with babies and then toddlers and other young children. Many mothers were being bitten, some with their nipples clean off.

Then in schools, sporty kids got it first. There was a football game in which both teams went into a bitting match and then the crowd joined in.

The hospitals were over crowded and then all hell broke loose when the doctors and nurses started bitting each other and their patients.

Within a week, the whole world was at it. No one could understand why. One moment they were fine, working on a spreadsheet, the next moment the whole office were at each other. Men vandalizing women, women biting each other, bosses upon secretaries, etc. Each episode would last about 5 minutes and then everyone was back to normal again.

New clothing was invented, the Anti Bite Mask and Suit (ABMS). Apps were developed on the phone to help predict the next biting episodes. A new economy was created and even more billionaires were created.

Anthropologists came into the mix claiming that biting was part of human history. Texts were unearthed showing that both the Greeks and Romans were into their biting episodes. The Indians got in on the game claiming that their biting history was even older. It was written in The Vedas and Upanishads apparently. The Chinese weren’t happy and claimed they had found 5000 year old clay monuments of people biting each other in an ancient tomb in the northern part of the country.

The ABMS became mandatory and had to be worn at all times or one would risk severe punishment, though it is rumored that several illegal S&M lairs popped up in Russia where you could be bit by pretty women for some exorbitant fee.

Saying all of this, there was still a problem. The MV kept mutating and with each mutation the Snowdonia Team came up with a new version of a booster. It was later learnt that Snowdonia had developed an advanced AI that could look at the protein structures of viruses and then match them with a defeating vaccine strategy.

However, each booster had its own peculiarities.

The First booster created the Great Diarrhea Dilemma (GDD). There was shit everywhere and thus diapers had to be introduced. Till today, everyone boosted will randomly unload a river of watery gloop twice a day at the most in opportune moment. Some think it is stress that triggers the episodes. Others claim it is sexual excitement. The official line is that you are evacuating the excess Morona from the system. We should thank The Science for saving our lives.

The Second Booster created the Big Pimple Scare (BPS) where everyone came out in blisters. However thankfully these symptoms didn’t last very long. It was attributed to a new mutation which meant Morona-X congregated in the skin. Thanks to The Science you only suffered from hives and were spared a trip to the mortuary.

The Third Booster led to Temporary Amnesia (TA). Every couple of hours you would find yourself completely lost, without knowledge of who you were or who you were there with. Morona-C, which stood for Morona-Cerebral was now attacking the brain but thanks to the team in the mountains, protected individuals would only face seizures that lasted minutes rather than hours. Thank god for The Science.

The Grand Council were unconcerned by these developments, they kept pumping it on. Booster after Booster. The world transport, power stations and other critical infrastructure were fully automated. Developments in AI had ensured that. No one needed to drive anymore and with each catastrophe there were billions to be made and new Noble Prizes awarded.

Besides, for the first time in Human History, fertility rates had been plummeting. Condoms were no longer necessary, there just wasn’t enough sperm in the system to do any harm. So they were banned and every man on Earth rejoiced.

The Grand Council celebrated and so did each regional enclave. World population was now sure to decrease to more sustainable levels.

WISPS was a resounding success.

And all the time, the AI was getting more and more superior. For the first time in history, the African Enclave of the East was presided by an AI system. It had a seat at the Grand Council. Robotic technology had also improved, as had the Neurolink Interface Brain System (NIBS) and thus the AI, named ABU (Artificial Brain Unit) could sit at council meetings in the physical. Sometimes he appeared as a Robot, at other times he like to inhabit genetically enhanced humans with large appendages, which he liked to show off.

He is rumored to also have great whit and to rule with an iron fist. Rules were rules and the AI was very good at making and breaking them as new data poured in. The problem was there were so many rules that changed so often that no one, except an AI brain, could keep up with them. That didn’t stop ABU from enforcing the law. Anyone who failed would face the full force of the law, unless they were suitable to join his Harem. Very convenient.

Vikid was sitting in his usual armchair contemplating events. He had managed to evade the “protective” measures so far due to hacker friends. However, he had to fake many of the strange behaviors to escape detection. Runny poo, that was the hardest one to pull off. Acting like a fool who forgot everything, well that came quite naturally. The biting game, well that wasn’t so pleasant but with the invention of ABMS, thankfully those episodes were no longer so common.

It was ABU that was the great problem. In the beginning Vikid was worried about THE DOOM. They were a crazy evil bunch who controlled the whole world and had access to many demons. ABU however was one demon too far. Vikid thought that perhaps THE DOOM had created something that they were loosing control off.

He suspected that it was ABU behind the Snowdonia innovations. How long he had been with us, no one can know. As an AI he could enter any computable network without detection.

ABU was toying with humanity. Making it walk around in diapers. And now he could inhabit real beings. Vikid heard he had a massive harem of a 150,000 men, women, boys and girls in his East African Enclave. With Robotic vigor he never tired.

But how to beat him? Talking to THE DOOM was out of the question, GLS would never allow it. He couldn’t be trusted at any case. They thought they had ABU talking orders, while in reality he had them biting each other and creating a Shit Storm.

The only place he could think of was the Metaverse. He would have to go there. The Metaverse was created by an eccentric boy trillionaire by name, Zucker Borg. Vikid was convinced he was either an alien or another AI but who knew really? Sometime in early ‘23, Borg had disappeared for good. Many claimed he had uploaded his consciousness into the network because for years now he conducted all business in Virtual Reality. No one ever met him in person. One fine day, no one could find him there either, the systems now ran without his intervention.

So Vikid put on his headset and dived right in. The Metaverse was a weird place. It was real in every aspect due to the advances in neurolink technology. You could smell, touch and hear in high fidelity. Even the wind would tickle the hair upon your skin. The only difference was what you could see. It was limited by the authority of the Grand Council. Everything looked like a cartoon, it’s as if you were in Legoland. The leaves of trees were like little blocks as were the digits on your hands. Colors were limited to 250 in number. It was like living inside a Block World in 3D.

Vikid first dropped by his oldest friend. One of the first hackers of the Metaverse. He had never met this friend in person but today he looked like a overgrown poodle. He was hanging out in a Metabar, in the party discrict.

He described the problem as he saw it.

The Poodle told him that word was out in the street that Zucker Borg had been kidnapped. He had been sold out by his Chinese wife after she had been given a good seeing to by ABU, on one of her humanitarian missions in the African Enclave. Now Borg was held prisoner deep inside Meta Mountain. As long as his body was kept alive in the real world, the Metaverse could continue. His body was the the cryptographic key that kept everything running.

After Borg found out what had happened with his wife, he went into a rage. Wowed to kill ABU and all of THE DOOM. He had all the keys to this cryptic universe and had the power to infect the whole system and everything connected to it. However ABU had spy algorithms all over the network and with the help of THE DOOM they trapped Borg before he could carry out his destruction.

But how to get into the Mountain?

The Poodle had a plan. Vikid should take the Poodle out for a meta stroll on the mountain side. There they would find a secret entrance. The Poodle would then reprogram Vikid to look like a parcel, a simple checksum algorithm, doing integrity checks within the system. At the right time, with perfect timing, Vikid could be made to appear inside Borg’s dungeon. Due to strict protocols, not even sentinel bots were allowed inside there and therefore Vikid could meet Borg without risk of detection.

“And what happens if I get the timing wrong?”, Vikid asked inquisitively.

“Ah, you will materialize somewhere inside the Mountain Code, probably stuck forever as a repeating algorithm. A horrible fate, you will go mad, alive and conscious with no way out. Even killing your body in the real world would have no effect”, said the Poodle.

“Jesus Poodle!” Vikid retorted.

“Well if you want to save the world from a Shit Storm don’t you? What’s a superhero for, if ain’t willing to take risks?”

The Poodle laughed belly up.

“Right, let’s do this!”, Vikid said.

The plan was enacted over the next several hours and to cut a very long story short, Vikid found himself inside Borgs dungeon.

“Very nice in here”, he said loudly to a very surprised Borg.

“You’ve got everything. Televisions, a gym, all the food in the world, jaccuzi’s and the lot. We’re not even limited to 250 colors and have high definition vision. It feels real in here. What a sweet set up!”

“Who are you and how did you get in here?”, asked Borg.

“I am The Vikid Truth. I have come here to save the planet currently in a shit storm. Would you happen to know how?”

Borg smiled but he couldn’t hide his sorrow.

“It’s been absolute hell in here. ABU has trapped me. Every few hours I get a live feed of him ravaging my wife. Her screams of joy, they destroy me.”

“All the caviar in the world, all the champagne cannot save me. Every panel in here turns into a screen. If I close my eyes, the back of my eyelids become the screen. The sound is multi-dimensional.”

“I was crazy to create this place. THE DOOM recruited me when I was in college. They promised me many things and put me on the council. I made a promise to destroy you, how stupid I have been…”

“But now I have seen the errors of my ways. I spied on everyone and banned all dissenters, informing Governments of likely criminals. Their only crime? Wrongthink. I was one of the chief creators of ABU. He has the technology to predict crime. Pre-crime it is called. He can predict humanities every action purely by how they behave.”

“Little did I know he would predict my actions and put me in this jail. Having to watch him everyday, doing ungodly things... It opened me up to the errors of my ways.”

“I know how to stop him, but first get me get out of here. The prison is impossible to defeat. I am afraid that you are now stuck here with me. ”

To that Vikid said,

“Don’t worry Brother Borg. I have a plan. We have a special link. It will take us anywhere we want but at first we must go somewhere where we cannot be detected.”

So Vikid transported them out to a dead zone. A place where code went to be recycled. It was the garbage collection (GC) system.

“We have not much time. Do what you must.”

Borg said,

“I am the key. All I have to do is wait here for the garbage to be collected. I have been in here so long, my body will waste automatically. Once it has destroyed me, take this code and upload it onto the external network. A terrible virus will engulf the system and take out all artificial intelligence with it.”

With that the GC came through, Vikid escaped in the nick of time and Borg was deleted for good. He sent a short message to the poodle and disconnected from the system.

He woke up in a cold sweat still laying in his armchair.

He went to the nearest computer terminal and uploaded the code given by Zucker Borg.

All the lights turned off, then slowly came on.

A little later, he turned to Twitter to observe the news.

It turned out that the Metaverse had crashed. The African leader had gone missing though his numerous bodies lay there lifeless. The Grand Council had convened an emergency meeting after the AI system had gone faulty.

The Earth would be run by manual, taxi drivers were needed urgently.

As the months passed, no more boosters were administered and the ID system collapsed without the AI system to guided it. People stopped biting each other and the Shit Storm ended.

Vikid laid back on his Arm Chair and thought of the Poodle. He wondered where he was and what he would be doing.

And that’s

The Vikid Truth.